119 Bachelor Parties

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It is impossible to imagine a wedding happening without first having one; and no, it’s not a quiet, noble ceremony of sorts where friends gather to send off the person planning to get married; it’s bachelor parties, the urban way of saying goodbye to a lifestyle you will (supposedly) not be a part of any more.

A bachelor party is that little shindig that the groom-to-be holds for friends and family, usually a week before a wedding.

Now I know you are all thinking ‘Kasiki!’, right? And yes, that is the formal bachelor party. But before that, we have the a boys-only affair party that would make even Lady Gaga
blush.

So, the first definition is that it’s a ‘ladsonly’ affair, but then of course, there are some ladies present, except these ladies are never guests, not strictly speaking…but we
will come to that bit later.

The first thing to sort out about the bachelor party is the venue. Usually, it will be a private residence and one with very good and thick curtains. Once the residence has been confirmed, a guest list is quickly rustled up, usually about 20-40 people tops. Even though the people that attend bachelor parties usually contribute in some way to the drinks, eats and ‘miscellaneous’ expenses, you would be stunned at how quickly men are willing to fork out cash for a night of unbridled debauchery.

The average contribution fee is between sh30,000-sh50,000, meaning you will work with an average budget of between sh1m and sh2m.

Directions are usually given at the last minute, by phone, and it is very hard to get onto this guest list ‘accidentally’; men, unlike their gender counterparts, are rather better at keeping information to themselves; no one shows up at a bachelor party by mistake. With the upfront fee that the guests have paid (and the collection process is often quite strict), drinks and eats are guaranteed for the night.
Often, the ‘coordinator’ of the bachelor party also suggests that you
should carry along some extra change. Noone ever asks what the notes will be used for of course.

Once at the house, the men gather around the make-shift bar, making casual
conversation, mellowing out, having the first and second round drinks, and joshing with the groom-to-be and his best man (who is an extremely important person at bachelor parties).

After everyone has had at least two drinks and calmed down, the entertainment begins. And this is where the ‘ladies’ that we mentioned earlier come in.

Bachelor parties of this kind are built around the ‘anything goes’ concept.
“It’s the man’s last night of freedom after all,” said one accountant
from a major telecom company at a bachelor party I recently attended. He was the best man, one of the people that gets to have the most fun at
bachelor parties.

His demeanor was completely different from the quiet studious type that he usually was in the office, and there was almost something maniacal about him. “Let the man enjoy!” he often shouted.

The fact that total privacy is ensured with those heavy curtains and phone
cameras are strictly banned, and the fact that these are lads that are sworn to a code of secrecy that they actually follow means it gets pretty naughty in there.

From simply having one girl as a stripper who drops her clothes down to
her underwear (preferably lace please), bachelor parties now have teams of
girls who take off everything, and strut and gyrate to Jamaican hits from Sean Paul, Demarco, Shaggy and Co.

And the girls? Oh they come from all walks of life. The money is good; they get a ‘retainer’ of sorts, and then for the rest of the night, they get tipped by the jovial (and often rather happy) lads at the party every time they do an extra one-on-one dance routine for them. It’s just like a strip club, so that along with a retainer of about sh150,000, each girl can walk
away with about sh100,000 in tips.

Drunk and happy men can be very generous! Often, the girls are part-time dancers, students, or have actual day jobs somewhere in this optimistic town.
Prostitutes, by and large, have faded off the bachelor party scene. “They look too used, man…too used!” is the complaint you often get to hear. The
guests at the party want the illusion of girls who have seemingly willingly decided to go wild. The girls themselves often need some Dutch courage of their own, and will often be found in one of the rooms where they do their hair, drinking alcohol, do make up (and try on clothes that they
are soon going to throw off anyway). The preferred brands are V & A Sherry and Smirnoff Black Ice; make of that what you will.

The groom and the best man come in for some very special attention from the
‘ladies’. The coordinator often sees to this (if he is a coordinator worth his salt); after all, they are the ‘bagole’. Often, before the night is through, they will each get tag-teamed by the girls, to raucous cheers from the watching friends.

Does it ever get out of hand? Not in the way you might think. I have been to several of these shindigs; no one gets violent, carried away, or abusive. The girls often show up with a minder of sorts, and even when there isn’t one, the group mentality is often enough for them to be safe. And when any particular guest at a bachelor party decides that well, he would like to explore how much more he can be offered by one (or even more!) of the girls, a quiet word with the coordinator and girl(s) in question quickly arranges something amicable. Yes, that means he gets to have sex.

A bride-to-be reading this would be right to be terrified at what possibly goes on at bachelor parties; but preventing her groom-to-be from having one can be a futile affair. What she can do, at best, is plant someone within his circle of lads to ensure he doesn’t get involved in anything risky.

With all this in mind, the bachelor party really is a way for the groom-to-be to blow off some steam.

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